PREPARE FOR YOUR MARRIAGE, NOT JUST YOUR WEDDING: TIP #02

20111110-170932.jpgTake openly about your faith and church background

One of the biggest issues that attack couples AFTER they are married is the topic of faith.  Before children, there often is not much issue regarding church and faith, but as soon as a baby comes into the family, things change – a lot!

For example, if one of you comes from a Roman Catholic background and the other an evangelical background, the issue of infant baptism is going to cause way more issues than you can even imagine.  Especially if you add to the mix the opinions of the baby’s grandmother.  I see way too often couples make assumptions of the kind of church they are planning on raising their child in.  So when the time comes to make an appointment with a minister, the reality of the differences hit each in the heart fast.

My advise: speak openly about church, faith, and God.  Come to agreement BEFORE you say I do (not after).  And if it becomes indeed the discussion is too hard to discuss one on one, invite a third party to assist (such as a minister, counselor or family friend).

Prepare for your marriage, not just your wedding: Tip #43

loveIn your planning, do not neglect each other.

It is way too easy to become all consumed in the wedding planning and forget how important it is to continue to nurture each other as future husband and wife.

Don’t be afraid to ask one another if they feel neglected in this crazy period of time.  If you’re like most couples, you are having a hard time find time for each other.  One thin g that you may have to do is place each other on the calendar for date nights.  Then after the “appointment” is made, stick to it no matter what comes up.

Prepare for your marriage, not just your wedding: Tip #78

premarriage counseling
premarriage counseling

Take time to take a personality test

Take a personality test with your minister, or officiant  or a counselor.  You can ALWAYS know each other better.  After 24 years of marriage, and 30 years of knowing my wife, personality testing is still a great tool for us to know each other better.

When you know each other better, you can then love each other deeper.  When you love each other deeper, you love being married even more – and you will survive and thrive in hard times.

This is the test I use.  It’s fun, cheap, easy, and very informative: https://www.tjta.com/asp/index.asp

So go get someone to administer a personality test to the two of you.  It’s fun and who knows what you will learn about each other (and maybe even yourself).

Who Pays For What These Days?!?!?

You have a dream wedding planned in your mind, but do you know who’s going to pay for what at the wedding? Traditionally, the bride’s family would pick up the tab but with the average cost of a wedding skyrocketing, and more couples getting married later in life, these traditional roles are far from set in stone.

wedding budget
You have a dream wedding planned in your mind, but do you know who’s going to pay for what at the wedding? Traditionally, the bride’s family would pick up the tab but with the average cost of a wedding skyrocketing, and more couples getting married later in life, these traditional roles are far from set in stone.
Some scenarios for who pays for what:
  • Traditional Responsiblities
    • The bride’s family pays for: 
      – Reception costs, including food, music, decorations, rental fees and entertainment
      – Ceremony Costs including rental fees, decorations
      – Flowers for Ceremony and Reception
      – The bride’s wedding dress and accessories
      – Invitations, announcements, programs, and mailing costs
      – Favors
      – Photography
      – Transportation
      – Their own attire and travel expenses
    • The groom’s family pays for: 
      – The rehearsal dinner, including food, invitations, decorations and entertainment
      – Their own attire and travel expenses
      – A wedding present
    • The bride pays for:
      – The groom’s wedding ring
      – A wedding gift for the groom
      – Her hair, makeup, beauty treatments
      – Gifts for her attendants
      – Sometimes accommodation for any out-of-town bridesmaids
    • The groom pays for:
      – The marriage license
      – The bride’s engagement ring and wedding ring
      – The honeymoon
      – A wedding gift for the bride
      – The bride’s bouquet
      – Gifts for his attendants
      – Corsages for the mothers and grandmothers
      – Boutonnières for men in the wedding party
      – Sometimes accommodation for any out-of-town groomsmen
      – Fee for the minister
  • When the bride and groom are older, or whose parents don’t have resources
    The bride and groom pay for all wedding costs themselves
  • A modern take on who pays for what at a wedding:
    After announcing their engagement, the bride and groom sit down and estimate what they’ll spend on the wedding, probably after finding a reception site and making general decisions about theme, style, time of day etc. They then approach their parents and after describing what they’ve decided on so far, say gently, “We were wondering if you would be able to pitch in for any of the costs.” The parents may look at the budget and say, “We’d like to pay for the reception food and the flowers” for example. They may also offer a set amount they’ll contribute. If their parents say they can’t afford to contribute, or only offer a small amount, the bride and groom say, “Thank you for considering,” and perhaps have to revise their budget or find creative ways to pay for the wedding.
  • Split the budget three ways
    In this scenario, the bride’s family, the groom’s family, and the bride and groom themselves each pay for one third of the budget. Typically, this means they will also each invite one third of the guests.

Do Not Skimp on Your Minister or Your DJ…

You want to save money. You want to get as much as you can for each dollar you spend. But there are some things you don’t EVER want to skimp and they both are the people with the microphone.

wedding dj, phoenix wedding pastor, Arizona wedding minister, wedding officiant, pastor, wedding priest
You want to save money.  You want to get as much as you can for each dollar you spend. But there are some things you don’t EVER want to skimp and they both are the people with the microphone.
Two people have a mic and two people can make or break your big day.  The minister and the DJ.  So what do you look for in choosing one?  Consider the following:
1 – Do they have several years of experience?
2 – Do you have chemistry with them?
3 – Are they open to ALL your ideas?
4 – Who referred them to you?
5 – Have they seen him/her in action? (live on on video)

Save Your Money!

Getting engaged to the love of your life is the most amazing feeling! The excitement and giddy feelings for planning the big day immediately kick in and this is when things can financially spiral out of control! Forget the fairytale as weddings can prove to be a nightmare with the average cost being around $25,000!

Long gone are the days where less is more when you have to consider flowers, dresses, venues, food and the DJ to name but a few! Wedding planning is big business and that usually means big money! However with a little know-how and a clear head, you do not have to get caught up in the drama as you plan the perfect day on a budget that suits yourself and your partner. So here are a few ways to help keep your finances grounded instead of crying ever so slightly when your parents have to re-mortgage their home to pay for the horse and carriage!

Tie the knot mid-week. Booking venues for the weekend can almost double in price, so why not go for a week day where it will be a lot less! Granted it may be less convenient for others, but those who you want there… will be there on the day!

Get creative and make your own invites! I have seen this done many times before by friends and the individual touch adds so much more to it all. It’s cheaper than have the invitations professionally printed, and with so many different softwares and online companies encouraging you to do it yourself… you could save a few pennies here!

Think about a buffet style for the food instead of a gourmet sit down 3 course meal. Yes these look posh and can appear to be more civilized, but per person this can be one of the most expensive pay outs for the day.

Look at taking advantage of a family member or friend’s flash car for the day! Maybe your father in-law to be has a fancy vintage Mercedes or a Harley motorcycle (because he’s clearly going through a mid-life crisis!) then ask nicely and you could use that with no cost!

Try to DIY your own cake! A bit of sponge apparently can cost hundreds of pounds which is crazy talk! Again try and use all your contacts to see if you can have this made much cheaper than a wedding cake pro. Or for those who just want the cake to look good in the pictures,  ask the baker to give you fake layers of cake! These can be dressed up to look amazing and the guests and yourself only have to eat the one real cake you paid for! Genius!

Recycle your flowers on the day. After shelling out a small fortune on flowers to decorate the church, you want to squeeze every last use out of them before they die on you! So after the ceremony have someone take the flowers to the reception to make it look gorgeous all over again! That way you’re not having to buy two lots of flowers for the church and the reception.

Get your interior designer on! We’ve all seen the home makeover programmes, so why not channel your flamboyant creative self and decorate the venue of your wedding yourself instead of paying someone for the pleasure. This way it’s not only easier on your finances, but you get to create a look to your exact liking.

So the bottom line is this, with a little creativity and extra work, you can save on spending but not lose much in quality!

How to Choose a Wedding Minister

When choosing a minister or officiant for your wedding, you need to show up to the first meeting with a few questions for him or her. In fact, you may want some of those questions answered before you even take time to chat face to face. Of my many years of meeting with couples as an Arizona ordained minister, the following questions, I think, were some of the best…

When choosing a minister or officiant for your wedding, you need to show up to the first meeting with a few questions for him or her. In fact, you may want some of those questions answered before you even take time to chat face to face. Of my many years of meeting with couples as an Arizona ordained minister, the following questions, I think, were some of the best:

  1. Are you a “real pastor” at a church? If so, which one?
  2. How long have you been a wedding minister? How long have you been a minister in a church?
  3. Do you require premarital counseling?
  4. Do you offer premarital counseling? If so, what kinds of things should we expect in our meetings with you? How much do those meetings cost?
  5. How many times would you like to meet with us before the wedding day?
  6. Is it a problem that our faith is different than yours?
  7. Are you open to our ideas with the wedding ceremony?
  8. How long will the entire ceremony be?
  9. What can we expect if you get sick and cannot be at our wedding? What is your back up plan?
  10. What will you wear at our ceremony? A robe or a suit?

Those are a few of the better questions asked. Because you don’t get married often, it’s good to arrive at your meeting with your own questions so you can make a good decision about who you are going to invite to marry you both.

At the end of the day, the most important thing is chemistry. In other words, do you feel comfortable with him or her? Do you like him or her? Did he or she make you feel good and positive? The answers to those questions come from your heart. All the other questions are important, but when it comes down to it, you must be happy with the man or woman officiating your wedding.

– Rev. Randy Williams